


Fear

by coeurastronaute



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F, my first go at the walking dead au, probably one more chapter in it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-23 11:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13787124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coeurastronaute/pseuds/coeurastronaute
Summary: When the world goes dead, Lexa know she has to find her girlfriend on the other side of the country. There isn't much that can stop her.





	1. Chapter 1

_Day 1_

“We’re supposed to stay in our zones,” Anya insisted, quickly following after as her roommate shoved things into her backpack, ignoring her worry completely. “What do you think you’re going to do? Walk? You won’t make it out of DC.”

“I can’t keep waiting. I have to go,” Lexa insisted, zipping it tightly and brushing past her friend, into her bedroom.

“It’s a suicide mission.”

“Staying here is suicide.”

With pursed lips and a shake of her head, Anya leaned against the counter in the tiny kitchen. The windows were open and the smell that seemed to never leave, the new smell of rotting, of death, of people piled on top of each other with no electricity or running water coupled with the noises of a restless and scared city, all of it climbed up the walls and filled the space. She looked at the backpack on the table and heard the rustling of her best friend in the other room.

It only took a few weeks for everything to go to hell, and truth be told, Anya didn’t have answers anymore, which was, for her, something new and unnerving. And right now, this was happening too quickly, without enough planning. She understood orders, and she understood duty, though, and for now, that was all she had left. She’d been told to stay, to work her post, to shoot on sight. But deep down, she knew Lexa was right.

“Just… wait,” Anya finally muttered as Lexa entered the kitchen again, shoving an old picture in the front pocket. “Let’s think about this.”

“I’ve been thinking about it. I have to get to Clarke,” Lexa shook her head, standing her ground. “I can’t wait any longer. They said it’d be fixed in a week, and they’re no closer. Those… things… there are too many and we’re losing squads left and right.” 

“Okay, just… humor me for a moment.” Lexa huffed and crossed her arms at the simple imposition. “What if she’s gone? What if she had to evacuate somewhere? What if she got hurt in the first wave? What if–”

“The last time I talked to her, I told her I would meet her. To leave a note if she were moving and where. I’ll find her, Anya,” Lexa vowed. “She’s my family. And she’s smart. You know she won’t go down easy. But I can’t stay around here and just… wait.” 

“You don’t know what it’s like out there. The stories we’ve heard… The other bases are overrun.”

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“It’s actually dangerous. This isn’t a joke. People are dying and then not dying.”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m going to find her. She’s all that matters.”

“What about your orders? When you signed up for this job, you knew it was soldier at all times, and this is a battle.”

“This isn’t a battle. The sooner you see that this isn’t a war, that this is what life is now, the better.”

“Things are going to get sorted-”

“You don’t believe that, and I know it isn’t. Things are different. They’re not going back to how they were. You know that. We kind of lost that opportunity when people stopped dying and started eating livers.” 

For the longest time, Anya sized up her friend, the conviction in her eyes, the set of her jaw, the measured calmness to her words. Not even a year out of college and she looked suddenly so determined and focused, as if she were ready for this, for this world that Anya tried to deny.

“Nothing else matters anymore, Anya. She’ll wait for me. She’ll be looking for me. But Clarke is still out there. I know it, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to find her because that’s all we can do anymore.” 

With a large exhale and a subtle glance up at the ceiling, Anya nodded to herself once and swallowed before agreeing as the words seeped into her thoughts.

“Let me see that map. We have to have a plan.” 

“We?” Lexa furrowed. “You don’t–”

“She’s your family, you’re my family. And that’s all that matters anymore. If this is what you need to do, then I’m with you,” Anya decided, unfolding the paper across the table. “If the Generals can’t get this under control, I think we’ve already lost.”

“I can’t ask you–”

“You’re not asking. I just don’t trust you on your own. And I’m your commanding officer, so, it looks like you’re stuck with me.” 

“No…”

“Yeah. I’m not letting you leave me here while you go on this adventure.” 

“Okay.” 

“Alright then. Let’s plan. We’ll leave at dawn.”

“Alright,” Lexa nodded with a small smile.

* * *

_Day 9_

From high on the hill, the city was the entire horizon. The summer heat was thick, was smothering as smoke from stray buildings strangled the sky and clouded over the burning of the sun. From her perch on the roof of the old high school, Clarke surveyed the movements at the base of the hill where the quick wall had gone up. The gate was a flurry of activity all day and night, and now she knew why.

With the offensive a failure, the remnants of the military, the last stragglers before the big pull back, were busy readying themselves for a departure that no one else saw coming. But Clarke did. She kept a weathered eye on the horizon and waited for Lexa to appear, for some reason, because she knew she would, for some reason, because she was certain this is where she would come to find them.

“We have to go,” Octavia observed, looking at the scenes unfolding below as afternoon sank into a stale kind of evening. The smell of rotting, of burning all sailed through the air with the occasional remnant of an ash-like snow, flung far from the city on unfavorable winds. 

“I can’t,” Clarke muttered, steadfast and weary.

“We can’t stay.” 

“She’s coming, O. I know it.” 

“Clarke, an entire country separates you and her. Plus, who knows how many obstacles in between. She wouldn’t want you to stay in danger.” 

“She’s coming.” 

“We have to go.” 

“I’m not going to argue.” 

“I know you’re not. Because you’re coming with me. We need to get to the hills, get away from this city. Your mom is going to get us taken to the main base of the zone. It’ll be safe. Maybe they have word of-”

“Don’t do that.” 

“Clarke.” 

“I have to be here when she comes back.” 

The sky was pink and the stars were already trying to make themselves known as Octavia watched her friend set her jaw and furrow her brow.

“You have to come. You know that.”

“I know.” 

“We’ll find her. She’ll find us. Those things won’t stop her.” 

“I know.”

* * *

_Day 16_

Fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, with nothing but horizon burning at the edges of the world. Despite the noise the engine made when Anya turned the keys in the ignition, nothing but smoke flooded the open hood. Lexa peered over the edge of the car as if she’d be able to diagnose the problem despite her lack of knowledge.

One last whirring stall of the engine broke her.

Two weeks, and she hadn’t made it out of the state. Two weeks and she was barely two hundred miles into the trip. Setback after setback, close call after close call, hungry and cold nights followed by long, hot, sweating days. And the one break they had, just went up in literal smoke.

With a slam, the hood went down. Lexa turned around quickly, the anger burrowing deep in her shoulders. From the driver’s seat, Anya watched her friend take a few steps away, lacing her hands behind her head, squeezing a second later before yelling and bending over, clutching her knees.

Quickly, Anya got out, looking around to see if the noise had drawn any movement in the quiet moments that followed. Nothing happened for too long, for too much quiet, until a noise coming from the overgrown cornfield interrupted the calm.

“Lexa…” Anya reached towards her bag in the back of the car. “Lexa!” she yelled as the rotted, corpsy thing approached, drooling and blacked and hollowed.

With some kind of resolve, Lexa stood, righted herself, seethed and took the anger out that’d coiled in her bones upon the thing that wanted to kill her. She pounced, tackling it, repeatedly slamming the decomposing skull against the sidewalk until she was covered in it, until there was nothing left.

A dull roar ripped at her throat as she looked at her hands once the threat was gone, until she stood and wiped them on her pants.

With little more than a glance at the body on the backroad, Lexa stalked towards the car, shoved herself in the back window and emerged with her bag. Shouldering it, she started to walk towards the setting sun.

* * *

_Day 33_

Frayed as it was, Clarke pulled out the picture tucked in her back pocket finally. It’d been days since she’d allowed herself to look at it, to hold it, to remember it, but after the day that she’d had, she was ready to wallow. She realized, as two dead jaws tried to tear into her skin, that she couldn’t remember the last time she looked at Lexa, realized she couldn’t remember her voice, and so for now, the picture had to do, to remind her despite the fact that she could never forget.

Her eyes strained against the almost darkness as she tried to use the small fire to see the faces still on the paper. The ground was hard against her back, but still Clarke only adjusted and tried to remember the time when the photo had been taken. What was just three months ago now felt like years, like lifetimes, like fiction.

“We’ll have to move in the morning,” Octavia observed, tossing another book into the fire. It was still lingering summer, but the nights were cold enough up in the hills along the coast.

“Yeah. We’re due back at camp by nightfall,” Clarke agreed, barely moving her head. 

“We’ll have to remember this place. Not too shabby.”

“Yeah.” 

“Surprised we found as much supplies as we did.” 

“Yeah.” 

“You’re not even listening, are you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Clarke.” 

“What?” 

The fire crackled slightly, burning low. The house was small and quiet, while outside there was an occasional noise that was the new normal. Clarke let her hands and the picture drop to her chest and closed her eyes, avoiding the glance of her friend.

“Just because they hadn’t heard from her at base doesn’t mean she isn’t trying to find you.I’m sure she didn’t report for duty because she knew that city would fall. She’s smart. It went down, but you know she wasn’t there.” 

“Lexa is going to show up to my house, and I won’t be there. She’ll think I left.”

“If I have to keep believing that Bellamy is okay, then you have to keep believing that Lexa will appear.” 

Without another glance, Clarke lifted her hips and put the photo in her pocket once more. She adjusted in her spot, pulling her knees up slightly. Just a few weeks she’d been training for her first run outside of the walls of the new base built in the hills away from the city, and now, all she could think about was escaping back to her home, to see if there was a sign of Lexa. As the days ticked by it was harder to be hopeful, but it was harder to lose hope because any day, her soldier would appear. It was that simple.

“We have to go back to my house and see if she’s been there,” Clarke decided. “I have to.” 

“We have to go back. Your mother will lose her mind if we miss our time.” 

“I don’t care.” 

“We almost didn’t make it earlier today, and we’re in the suburbs. You want to go towards the city? It’s getting worse. And camp is getting… tense.” 

“You can head back. Tell her I’ll be there in a few days.” 

“Why am I suddenly the voice of reason? When did the tables turn?” Octavia snapped, tossing down the fire poker. 

“It has to be soon. She’ll be here soon.” 

“We have to be back by the next day. That’s it.” 

“Okay.”

“We’ll leave the supplies here, and double back.” 

“Okay.” 

“Stop patronizing me.” 

“Okay,” Clarke grinned, taking a peak at her grump friend who just set her jaw and closed her eyes against the opposite wall.

* * *

_Day 65_

Silent as the wind, Lexa met Anya’s eyes across the forest. Tucked behind a tree, she nodded quickly and raised her two fingers, motioning toward the clearing behind them. Weapon ready, and with only three shots left, Lexa swallowed and took a deep breath as Anya moved.

Hidden behind the tall tree, Lexa peeked out to see the two people who were seemingly people. It’d been two days trailing them, and finally reaching them, Lexa was extra cautious.

There’d been a run in before, with another group. Lexa bore the bruises and wounds of it still, slight twinges at her back and wrists after their escape. It made her cautious, and it made her smarter. The world was not the same as it’d been before, and she recognized that now, more than ever. Almost two months into her trip and she hadn’t made it a quarter of the way to her goal. Real life was amply intrusive upon her day, and she had no more patience for such things.

“You guys have any water?” Anya asked, absently meandering towards the camp far to Lexa’s right. 

“Stay where you are!” one hopped up from the rock he’d been sitting on, shouldering a weapon and training it specifically on the soldier. 

“Easy there. Whoa. I’m just passing through.” 

“Then keep on walking. Nothing for you here.” 

“That’s a pretty fancy weapon you have there. You know how to use it? Or should I show you how to take the safety off?” Anya chuckled. 

“We can find out.” The words came with the cocking of the gun. 

“I don’t want any trouble,” Anya sighed. 

“Just go on your way. We don’t have anything.” 

“You bit?” 

“What?” 

“I asked if you were bitten?” 

“No. She’s fine.” 

“How about this weather? Hot as hell.”

That was the signal. Lexa was ashamed of herself for having it, for stealing from other’s, for surviving this way. But she had a mission, and desperate as the times were, she could not let anything deter her from it. Quiet and still, Lexa came from behind, across from Anya, behind the small camp.

“Drop it,” Lexa ordered, making the two inhabitants jump. Disgruntled and sullen, the one holding the gun grit his teeth and debated it for longer than Lexa liked. “Kick it.” 

“What do you want?” 

“We saw what you did to that family.” 

“Survival of the fittest.” 

“Sit,” Anya commanded with a nudge of her head. 

“We don’t-”

“Sit!”

Lexa watched Anya worked and picked up the gun that’d been put on the ground. The two were young, as young as them, if even twenty. This was what happened in a month. 

“By your theory, you won’t survive then,” Anya began. 

“Let’s just go,” Lexa sighed. 

“Not until we handle these murderers.” 

“It’s not our job anymore.” 

“It’s always someone’s job to step up and do the right thing.” 

“I don’t know what you think you saw…” he began, looking between the two of them. “But they attacked us.”

“We saw you shoot them in cold blood.” 

“Who makes you the judge and jury?” he spat. “You don’t know what we went through with them, and you don’t know what we’ve seen.” 

“I don’t care,” Anya sighed. “Stand up.” 

“I can’t,” the girl growled, more feral and angry than her friend. Lexa watched her push herself up and try to stand before falling back to the ground, her leg twisted at an insane angle. 

“They did this to her,” the boy explained, moving to help her. 

“Shh,” Lexa hissed, turning her head to the side.

“Don’t move!” Anya instructed them as the boy found a hunting knife on the side of his pack, both sets of eyes gazing at it and back at each other. 

“Shut up,” Lexa sighed again, turning around this time. It was the irregular snapping of twigs that alerted her to the impending troop coming their way, followed swiftly by that noise, that hollow kind of groan that multiplied in a group. “We have to go.” 

“Where?”

“Anywhere. Come on,” she reached down and shoved the gun in her belt before pulling the girls arm over her shoulder. 

“Lexa, leave them.” 

“They’re alive, we’re alive. That’s all I know anymore,” Lexa grunted as the girl fought her. The first of the monsters broke through the edge of the forest. “We have to go.” 

It took Anya a moment before she nudged her head at the friend who moved to the other side of the girl and helped Lexa. The shots rang out behind them as Anya tried to buy them time.

* * *

_Day 99_

Clarke was quiet, now. She was forceful and she was silent as she moved along back roads. The city was half-burned, half-dead, half-empty, half-past. She sat behind the dumpster and checked her watch, careful to take a notebook out of her backpack. 

As she dug for a pen, she found an old, folded picture. The walker from a few blocks away made its way to her, but still she paused and looked at it for a moment before shoving it back in and flipping open her knife. 

She waited, patient and still for it to get close before she stabbed it and pulled the body beside her behind the dumpster. She checked her watch again. There were so many thoughts in her head, that she couldn’t think of one thing in particular. Her movements were mechanical, her heart long since stashed and barred and tucked away any longer. 

The base lasted two weeks before it was overrun. The stragglers of the cap were barely surviving in the compound in the mountains. Her mother was gone, and she didn’t know where, her best friend, gone. Her girlfriend, probably gone. It’d been too long since she thought of Lexa. 

The Jeep made its way down the street, right on schedule. Quiet, unnoticed, Clarke peered out from behind the ally and watched it turn, following it when it was out of sight. She saw it make one more turn before loosing it. 

Carefully, quietly, she made her way out of the city once more. She did not follow the familiar route back to the camp, but instead looped towards her old home. Her note was still on the door, her words still etched on the wood of the garage with no response. 

Heartbroken once more, though she did not think that was possible, she made her way back to those who depended on her. 

“It’s like they’re patrolling,” she muttered, pouring over the map stretched out on the table in the crowded living room. She carefully added the routes she observed, hoping to find some kind of pattern. 

“Or hunting,” Jasper swallowed, putting a half-empty plate in front of Clarke. 

“Did Monty get anything on the radio?” 

“Not yet. He’s still working.” 

“There’s something there,” Clarke circled a block with her finger.

* * *

_Day 114_

At the rate she was travelling, she’d make it to the Pacific by next summer, and that was if they were lucky. In the evening light, the sign welcoming them to Nebraska was both a reward and a reminder of how absolutely far she was from her goal. 

Lexa moved only to crack the window slightly and to grip the wheel a little harder as she clenched her jaw. From the passenger seat, the girl with the bad leg observed the change in the soldier’s demeanor. 

There were moments when she hated her. Raven would feel rage bubble up in her heart and bones to a point that she wanted to throw up what little food they managed to find. But deep down, she knew that Lexa was simply acting when she killed Finn, acting in a way in which the new world, the new times, demanded. It made sense. He was hurt, he was dying and she helped him in a way Raven could never bring herself to do. And yet, sometimes, despite those facts, she hated everything Lexa represented. 

There were times when she could have left, took the car and one of their packs and just disappeared while they slept. One night she almost did. Until she got in the driver’s seat and realized she didn’t have anywhere to go.

“How’s the gas?” she finally ventured, suddenly smothered in the silence and grateful for the breeze that hissed through the small opening of the window. 

“Good.” 

In the backseat, Anya slept, long legs propped at an awkward angle on the back of Lexa’s chair. 

“I never thanked you for what you did. I don’t know if I can bring myself to,” Raven confessed, not looking at the driver, but simply looking out, away, far far far away. “But I understand, and that’s the best I got right now.” 

“Okay.” 

“It’s getting dark. Should we stop soon?”

Lexa swallowed and sighed, finally prying her hand from the wheel to only rub it along her chin and cheeks and neck before grabbing it once more. 

“No. We’ll make it to a town. Two more hours.” 

“Do you think she’s still alive?” Raven whispered, rubbing her sore knee. 

“Who?”

“Clarke. The girl you’re dragging us across the country for. The girl you talk about in your sleep. The girl whose name I see written all over every furrow you ever have you broody fuck.” For a moment Lexa cracked a smile despite herself and glanced at the girl beside her. 

“She’s alive.” 

“How are you so sure? We haven’t heard anything about the west coast since those people in Indiana.” 

“I would know if she weren’t alive anymore.”

“How?” 

“I don’t know.”

“How are you going to find her?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Do you think she’s still in the area?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Anything you do know?” 

“She’s alive. I’m going to find her.”

“Well, that’s two things,” Raven nodded and relaxed into the chair, resting her chin in her palm as the summer evening fell fast despite the lingering sun that refused to go down without a fight. “What are you going to do when you find her?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Back to square one.”

* * *

_Day 159_

“Octavia?” Clarke swallowed, but managed to speak despite the dryness in her mouth. Blood dripped into her eyes and smeared her vision. The pain was secondary. That dull throbbing in her joints and the jolts of lightning in her head, those faded when she saw her best friend.

“Clarke?” Octavia’s eyes grew as she finally recognized the blonde beneath the dirt and muck and blood. “Oh my God,” she half-laughed and half-sobbed, sprinting towards her and tossing her arms around her friend’s neck, squeezing tightly, not caring about the dirt and grime between them. “I thought you were gone. I went back to camp a few times, but it was gone. I waited as long as I could. I waited.” 

“How?” Clarke swallowed again. “How are you–? What–?” 

“We followed the smoke. We were about twenty-five miles south. We thought it might have been survivors.” 

“We?” 

Octavia pulled away and held Clarke’s face in her hands. Ash and mud, blood and bits of dead skin hung there. 

“I thought I lost you.” 

“We?” 

“I got separated from everyone during the chaos. A few days later, I got caught in some trap.” 

“The Company,” Clarke nodded. 

“Lincoln helped me. I’ve been with his group. Who survived? Where’s Abby? Where is everyone?” 

Nearly alone in the woods on the side of the road, Octavia let her hands drop to Clarke’s shoulders, afraid to let go, afraid she was a hallucination. Clarke’s head dropped slightly as she shook it. 

“I found a few, we got away, we had a few camps. I was with them… Monty, Jasper, Miller, Byrd. They’re gone now. I don’t know…” Clarke shook her head, eyes wider as she met Octavia’s again. “I went out, and I heard gunfire and an explosion and when I came back they were gone.” 

“It’s okay,” Octavia promised, gripping her jaw, leaning close. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” 

“I know where they are.” 

“Let’s go find Lincoln and get you cleaned up. We’re going to need help.”

* * *

_Day 185_

“Anya?!” Lexa called, sprinting from the store towards where they left the car. “We have to go!” 

“Yeah!” a voice called from another direction. 

Lexa heard the sound of bone meeting metal as she sprinted. Glass broke in the window and door behind her, but she just kept going. By the time she made it back to the car, Anya was sliding in the driver’s seat. 

“That was too close,” she sighed as Raven opened the door as they drove down the road, tossing one off in their dust. 

“We needed food.” 

“We’ll have to be more careful.” 

“Who would have thought Wyoming would be so treacherous,” Raven shook her head. 

“Says the one who was supposed to be on watch.” 

“Hey, the roads were clear. I don’t have x-ray vision.” 

“We’ll have to try again at the next town,” Anya nodded. “We need some stuff and some gas.” 

“We’re so close.” 

Still rattled and upset, Lexa finally sat back in the seat. She ran her hand through her hair that was much too long and tried to remember what shampoo felt like. 

That was the last thought she had, or that she remembered, before the world went black. Time had to have passed. Something had to have happened. Only Lexa didn’t have answers to either. 

She sputtered, spit, tasted blood. Her bones felt heavy. She could only feel for a moment, as her senses started to come back slowly, singularly, intermittently. She felt her lungs try to breathe and she coughed again, felt the grit of dirt in her mouth, felt the world shift as she was upside down, somehow. 

When she opened her eyes, she couldn’t register much. She saw the glass before she felt it as she tried to move. Noise came suddenly. She saw bloody, dislocated mouths coming towards her before she smelled them. She heard them hissing before she registered it all. 

“Anya,” she coughed, eyes heavy. “Raven!” she tried again. She tried to move but found herself stuck, found pain in her thigh. She tried to find a knife, find a weapon. She cut her hand picking up a large shard of glass, but still, she held it up, ready. 

The gunshot rang out and surprised her. Lexa felt hands under her arms and she screamed out in pain as her leg was tugged and wretched. She fought off fainting. As best she could, she slashed towards the people tugging. 

“Anya!” she yelled again. Her eyes closed and she smelled fire, burning, felt burning, tasted fire. 

“Stop!” a voice said, pulling at her. “I’m trying to help you!” He argued, somewhere. “Just stop. We’re going to get you out.”

“Clarke,” Lexa swallowed, opening her eyes as her leg was freed and the pain came upon her in an instant. She screamed, though she wouldn’t remember it.

* * *

_Day 206_

“You’ll kill them,” Octavia shook her head. “We won’t be able to get them out. What if they’re better in there?” 

From a higher building downtown, they surveyed the subway station that seemed to be the main point of entry for the illusive group that took their friends and family. The streets were quiet, the dead meandering and waiting outside of the area they’d cleared. 

“I’m going to find out,” Clarke decided, pulling the binoculars back to her eyes and looking once more. 

“What?” Lincoln stood from the office chair behind them. “That’s insane. We don’t even know if your friends are alive.” 

“I have to find out.” 

“Clarke, we’re alive,” Octavia ventured. “We’re alive right now and we should get the hell out of here while we can.” 

“And go where?” Clarke scoffed. “It’s the same everywhere. We’ve managed, and all that matters anymore is each other. That’s all. There isn’t a home, there isn’t a future, there’s now and there’s us.”

“What if they’re safe in there?” Lincoln argued.

“Then we’ll have found a place.” 

“We’ve watched for weeks,” Indra finally spoke. “We’ve watched them snatch survivors. They don’t invite them in and they never approach. They take. These aren’t good people.” 

“Exactly,” Clarke nodded. 

“What about Lexa,” Octavia asked, her voice low as she turned toward her friend. 

“She’s not here. There is no future. There is now and us,” Clarke repeated, the muscles in her neck straining against the words.

* * *

_Day 233_

“It looks better,” Bellamy nodded, picking at the bones on his plate. He looked away from Lexa quickly, not letting his eyes linger on the scar across her rib and hip. The one on her leg was hidden, though he saw the bandage through her clothes still. 

“It’s fine,” she muttered despite the remaining pain from the burn and her injuries from the crash. 

“At least you can cover yours with clothes,” Raven sighed, her hand absently running along the gash that was closing on her forehead. “I’ll look like an extra in a pirate movie for the rest of my life.” 

The fire flickered between them all as they sat on the top floor of the old parking garage somewhere in Colorado. The stars were bright and occasionally hidden by a stray cloud, but to Lexa they were welcomed, they were one of the few normal things left. Sore and stuck, she flexed her leg out, careful not to signify the pain she felt after the long day of travelling. 

“You should have seen some of the guys from our unit,” Murphy grinned. “One guy, had his intestines dragging behind him as he was trying to run away. Tripped him up.” 

“Murphy,” Bellamy growled, low and forceful.

“I’m just saying. It could be worse.” 

“We need to find a new car,” Anya approached the group, carefully wiping her hands in an old rag. “This one isn’t going to make it out of town.”

“First light,” Bellamy agreed, handing her a plate as she sat beside him, careful not to jostle her still healing arm in the sling. “Nothing we can do about it now.” 

“There’s never anything we can do about it,” Lexa sighed. “It’s always tomorrow. We have to pick up the pace.” 

“We’re lucky we made it this far with the shape you three are in,” Murphy scoffed. “You’re undernourished, and we’re under supplied. The pace we’re at is already too much.” 

“Now you’re concerned?” Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Hey, we stopped and picked you out of that car when we could have kept rolling by and probably been home by now.” 

“Home? What do you have waiting for you? You’re just a tag along!” Lexa raised her voice. “Bellamy has a sister waiting. I have Clarke! We need to go faster.” 

“You don’t know what I’ve lost and what I need to get to, just as quickly as you!” he stood, seething and arguing. Lexa stood as well despite the pain, standing toe to toe, nose to nose, teeth clenched. 

“Alright, back down,” Bellamy rolled his eyes. 

“Get this Bullet Sponge under control then.” 

“I’ll still kick your ass any day, jarhead,” Lexa pushed his shoulders before he pushed back. She threw a punch and felt his jaw probably break her knuckles before she was tackled, the pain making her groan. 

It took Bellamy and Raven trying to hold them back to make it stop. Murphy spit blood and wiped his chin, glaring at her with Bellamy’s hands on his shoulders. Raven kept whispering something to try to calm her down, though Lexa didn’t hear anything. 

“Knock it off,” Anya stood between them. “We’ll get there. Somehow.”

“Some of us will,” Lexa spat the blood from her mouth as well as Murphy shrugged of Bellamy’s hands.

* * *

_Day 269_

“You can’t keep me here!” Clarke yelled in the tiled room, yanking on her chains in the old bed that creaked with each movement. Her joints were pained as she tugged herself to pieces. “Let me out!” 

She stopped moving only to catch her breath and strained to listen to the quiet. The only thing she knew was that at some point someone would come in and sedate her. There were no windows, no other identifying features of the bunker. All that there was in her world now was a flickering light, a rusty door, a creaking bead, and the straps that kept her pinned there. 

Sometime, maybe hours, maybe minutes later, the door opened, slow and steady with a slight squeal. Instead of her normal hazmat-suited nurse, she found a well-dressed elderly man grinning happily as he pulled a chair behind him. 

He moved with purpose, with no hurry in his step, each move was calculated long before its execution. The door remained open as he took a seat near the bed. 

“You’re the one that killed four of my patrols,” he nodded after crossing his legs and leaning back appraising the girl in his bed.

“You’re the one that’s kept me chained like a dog to this bed.” 

“For your own protection,” he promised. 

“You mean for yours.” 

“That goes without saying. All it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch, Clarke. And we have no room for mistakes any longer.” 

“How do you know my name?” 

“Your friend Jasper told me.” 

“Jasper?” 

“Smart boy. He saw you brought in.” 

“Does he know you stole him? Does he know that you round people up and bring them here like animals?” 

“We rescued them, Clarke,” the man shook his head, the smile fading slightly, though not altogether as his brow furrowed. “We bring in who we can save, and we try to rebuild. That is all we have left anymore.” 

“We were fine.” 

“Your friends too many resources to get back to healthy. Food, water, medicine. They owe us a debt.” 

“A debt you inflicted.”

“A debt they can pay off and then will be free to go.” 

“Right.”

“Or they can stay, and help us rebuild.”

“Pretty stark options.” 

“Well,” he clapped his hand on his knee. “Those are all you have, I’m afraid. Welcome to the Bunker, Clarke. Please, feel free to clean up and we shall find a special assignment for you now that you’ve been cleared.”

With a slight nod, he stood and the hazmat-suited nurses came in once more. Despite her complaints, they pulled out a needle. Clarke fought relentlessly until she fell asleep once more.

* * *

_Day 280_

From both sides of the long, winding road, fields of grey, gold grass stood high to the knee and along the rolling hills. Stray trees were scattered, like shadowy silhouettes in the afternoon sun that beat down almost directly above the weary line of walkers. 

Suddenly, Anya stopped on the side of the road and dropped her backpack. Bellamy stopped beside her as both strained their eyes and stared at the large sign that had half fallen from its post. 

“What’s the hold up?” Raven complained, joining and shielding her eyes with her hand. 

“About damn time,” Murphy grunted. 

As she saw it, Lexa chuckled to herself before falling to her knees. Her head dropped to the pavement as if she were in prayer and she laughed. 

“Just give her a minute,” Anya nodded, still staring at the sign and smiled.

* * *

_Day 304_

“I have to go back!” Jasper screamed, tugging against Octavia’s hold. “She might still be in there!” 

“Maybe, but that place is infested, Jasper. There’s nothing left and we have to go.” 

“How could you!?” he railed, pushing Clarke, all of his hurt and rage coming. “You didn’t have to kill them all!” 

“There was no escape, Jasper,” Clarke tried, helpless and sorry. “I didn’t have a choice.” 

“There’s always a choice!” he shoved her again, prompting Octavia to push him away. Strong and tall she tugged on the knife on her hip. 

“We have to go,” Lincoln explained, checking the mirrors of the bus, shouting from the driver’s seat. 

“I’m not going,” Jasper stood tall and firm. 

“Get on the damn bus!” Octavia ordered.

“Jasper, I’m sorry,” Clarke plead.

* * *

_Day 316_

Desolate and bare, the neighbourhood stood in ruins, almost completely forgotten in the year that passed between one coast and another. Lexa stood at the front of the familiar sidewalk and stared at it, concentrating all of her power on hearing any sort of sign of the living or dead. 

Beside, Anya stood, waiting. Raven leaned against the fence, waiting to see what would happen. 

“She’s not here,” Lexa swallowed. 

“You thought she’d still be here?” Murphy scoffed. 

“No. I just…” 

“Let’s go,” Bellamy stopped her thought before she could realize that she had, in fact, expected Clarke to be there, for some reason. “She probably left word as to where she went, and if I know Octavia, she’s there too. No way they would separate.” 

Lexa just nodded, but couldn’t move. All of her worries bubbled back up inside her. It’d been a miracle that she’d encountered Bellamy, and she was grateful to share the same kind of burden, but she could not follow him. Not for a few minutes. 

“This is it,” Anya stood beside Lexa. “I got you across the country, and we’re going to find her. It’s our mission.” 

“Okay.”

* * *

_Day 325_

It was stupid to go out alone, to leave the relative safety of the group and of the little encampment they had, but Clarke did not care anymore. She was haunted by the bunker, by the things that came out of it as she forced herself to watch, by the faces of those she saved. 

It’d been months since she stood in this spot, in front of the home that had not changed save for the overgrowth, save for the quiet. 

Silly as it was, she still reached under the welcome mat and pulled out the key, smiling as she did. The door opened in a familiar way to the silence once more. 

The pictures still hung in the living room, the couch was still there, the television, the old piano. The marks were etched in the door of the dining room for all of her heights for all of her years. 

In the kitchen, there was a long list of each time she came back. The marker she used was still in the cup as she surveyed the wall of marks. 

It was only in surveying it did she realize how long it’d been, and how short it’d been since it all happened. 

Only when her eyes came to the end of the list did she see different writing, did she notice the differences in the house that she hadn’t before. That the couch’s pillows were differently placed. That the mat on the front porch was askew. That the cabinets were open slightly in one spot. Little moments she hadn’t placed because Lexa was so far from her mind…

“Lexa,” she whispered, swallowing roughly as her hand reached out to touch the words. 

_I’m here, Clarke. I’m still looking. Stay close. I love you – Lexa._

She felt her knees buckle slightly as she stared at the black letters etched in the formerly pristine white wall.

* * *

_Day 333_

Stupid as it was, Lexa insisted upon heading towards the city. All signs pointed towards Clarke having business there. Armed with the knowledge that her girlfriend had stayed in the area was enough to re-light any motivation that might have gone out on the perilous journey across the country. To be, potentially, within miles or even minutes of seeing her was exhausting, frustrating, overwhelming, and enough. 

Now though, at this moment, as the glass began to crack, as too many of those things scratched and clawed at them, she realized how much close meant nothing. 

“We have to get out of here,” Bellamy stated, frantically looking around the storefront for anything at all. 

“There’s over a hundred out there,” Murphy argued, pacing. 

“We just need time,” Lexa decided. 

The glass gave in one area. This was her fault. It was her fault they were here and they would die, and for the last few minutes, she had to live, she was overwhelmed by guilt, suddenly, and forlorn sadness at being so damn close. 

“So close,” Lexa sighed. 

“You think she’s still alive?” Anya stared at her friend, firm and strong. 

“She has to be.” 

“You’ll find her.” 

“The back isn’t as busy,” Bellamy called from a storeroom. “We have to go now.” 

“Go,” Anya pushed Lexa. 

“What?”

“Find her.” 

The glass gave completely, and in the moment, Lexa reached out for her friend only to have her arm pulled away. Anya winked and smiled before swinging her pipe and clobbering a skull. 

“ANYA!” Lexa screamed, stabbing one in the head. 

“We have to go!” Bellamy pulled her towards the back. 

“Anya!” 

“She made her choice.” 

“I can’t leave!” Lexa pulled away as they made it to the back alley. The pathways began to fill with more bodies. 

“We have to go!” Bellamy barked. 

“I can’t.”

* * *

_Day 340_

The group had moved up and down the 100 mile radius of the city, but Clarke still knew how to find them when she went in search of Octavia once more to try to help her find Lexa. 

It took until evening to make it there, to carefully get there, though Clarke found herself moving restlessly and eagerly getting there. 

There was an eerie kind of quiet when she reached the forest. By the time she reached the campground, the sun was nearly gone and behind the built up gates, she saw the fires going. 

“Clarke!” Octavia called, hugging her tightly as she made it through the gate. “I’m so glad you’re back.” 

“She’s close, Octavia,” Clarke grinned, clutching her friend’s back. “I saw her note. She was at my house.” 

“I know,” Octavia beamed. 

“I’m going to find her.” 

“I know.” 

“She’s–”

“Clarke?” Lexa appeared from one of the cabins. 

“We found someone she was travelling with and they led us to Bellamy and Lexa.” 

“Lexa?” Clarke gulped, jaw slack. 

“Clarke?” Lexa smiled, taking a step from the porch of the small house. Her foot hit the ground. Once separated by an entire continent, only a dozen feet stood between them and the soldier couldn’t make her legs move again. 

It was like seeing a ghost, like having a severe case of deja vu, like teleporting and being stuck in a parallel world. All at once it struck both of them what it took to stand here at this moment; it struck them as to how much they had changed, and the fear that not just everything was different, but that they were different as well, filled their muscles with tenseness. 

For just the shortest of instants though, none of it mattered. Quick as they could, they met in the middle, somehow. Clarke couldn’t remember moving, but she quickly remembered how Lexa felt in her arms. 

“You came,” she mumbled into the soldier’s neck, squeezing, being squeezed. She inhaled the uniquely Lexa smell that existed despite everything. 

Lexa held Clarke’s cheeks and kissed her, cupped her neck, ran her thumbs along the bones under her eyes and couldn’t stop smiling as she rested her forehead on her girlfriend’s. 

“I told you I would find you,” she whispered, out of breath and unable to breathe at all. “Took a bit longer than expected.”

“I love you,” Clarke chuckled, still stuck in disbelief. She kissed her again, clutching at her hair, at her shoulders before hugging her once more. 

“I told you I’d find you,” Lexa nodded, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms tightly once more.


	2. Chapter 2

_Day 1_

This is it, Clarke thought to herself. Dead. She had to be dead. Some form of deceased. Or she was finally awake and the nightmare was over and it was safe now. With her eyes shut tightly, she went over those options, mildly content with either at the rate her life was going. 

With a heavy sigh, she pulled the body in her arms tighter and buried her nose in hair until it found neck, and she let herself be drowned in it. When it was dark, when it was quiet, she found herself unable to associate the entire moment with reality. Worried it was nothing more than a nightmare within a nightmare, Clarke found herself squeezing tighter, her heart beating wildly, speeding up with her racing thoughts. 

In the dark of the room in the back of the house they shared with a dozen other people, curled into the tiniest space between a washer and dryer just to be together, Lexa squirmed, rolling over in the tight grasp of her girlfriend. 

“You should sleep,” she whispered. 

The world was always a new kind of quiet. The shifting of the orbit and the stars and the pure silence of the universe now filled up the spaces. But all Lexa heard was the sound of Clarke’s breathing and the way her fingertips grazed along her own skin. It echoed all over. 

“I didn’t sleep well without you,” Clarke swallowed as a palm rested against her cheek. “I thought, if I had you, I might sleep better, but now I just don’t want to miss anything.” 

“Yeah.” 

“What if…” 

“Hm?” Hands slid down Clarke’s neck. Even in the dark, even with her eyes adjusting as much as they could, even with her fingers mapping the contours of her face, Lexa could feel her girlfriend’s thoughts burning up her brain. 

“What if we’re… different?” Clarke closed her eyes and let herself be felt, let herself exist only in the space between Lexa’s hands. She felt nose against her nose and she felt forehead against her forehead. “Really different. Different people than we were before.” 

“Anya died,” Lexa whispered. “And I had to… I did things that I’m not proud of, that won’t leave me alone.”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. Her voice was weak but her hands dug into Lexa’s skin, dug and tugged on her shirt. “Me too.” Both silently clung because they felt so far apart. 

“We’re different.” 

“Yeah.” 

“But everything’s different. And I crossed the world to get to you. I… I found you, and that’s all we have anymore.” 

“Now what?” Clarke whispered, closing her eyes. A hand slid under her shirt and rubbed her back. 

“Day one of the new world. We’ll figure something out,” Lexa promised. “But you’re not leaving my sight ever again.” 

Sleep called her, but Clarke chuckled at the notion. Lexa simply kept rubbing, feeling spine and ribs and skin. She adored it all. She meant every word.

* * *

_Day 12_

The door slammed and knew enough to stay shut. Lexa’s hands moved to her hips and she stalked down the hall, her shoulders tight and jaw clenching. The sweat from the heat pooled in the creases of her muscles, slid down her back, dampened her shirt. 

The elementary school was a strong enough hold for the past few days, large enough to accommodate the group, but still, as Lexa paced down, soured and disinterested in the meeting she’d been a part of, it felt constricting, as if the halls and cartoon pictures and handprints on the wall were smothering her. 

She punched a tiny locker as she rounded a corner, unable to keep her wrath in check any longer. 

“Son of a bitch,” she growled, shaking her hand and rubbing it with her thumb. 

“So it’s going well then,” Clarke grinned at the display, earning a scowl. She shook her head and let the box of provisions drop to the ground. “Let me see that.” 

Like her pride, Lexa nursed her hand for a moment longer before handing it over to her girlfriend. 

“It’s fine.” 

“This time. Let’s not chance it again,” Clarke decided, running her own thumbs over the red knuckles. 

“I’m sorry. I just can’t… I can’t stand all of this debate and ineffectiveness.” 

“I know,” Clarke nodded. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“No, it’s not,” she sighed, furrowing and staring at her own hand in her girlfriends’. “We can’t stay here forever.”

“It’s okay for now.” 

“For now. I saw it out there. Things aren’t going to stay this calm until we find a safe place we can protect.” 

“My mom just–”

“She’s unreasonable.”

“We’re going to figure it out. We have enough food to last a month.” 

“People are killing each other for less,” Lexa snorted. She didn’t shake it off, when Clarke’s hands moved to her chest, moved over her sore shoulders, cupped her jaw, pulling her head closer. She looked down, still simmering despite these efforts effectiveness. 

It was a quiet moment. Just an instant, to forget the meeting, everything else happening. Clarke stole them greedily whenever she could. She rested her forehead on Lexa’s, keeping her there.

“You walked across the world for me. We’ll figure it out,” Clarke promised. 

“I walked across the world, and there wasn’t one safe place for us to start over,” Lexa sighed. 

Clarke swallows and nods, reaching up to kiss Lexa’s forehead. She lets her lips linger there. 

“Then find us a new land.” 

“You’re high maintenance, Griffin,” Lexa chuckled. 

“Want to help me count medical supplies?” 

“I’m going to go to the library.” 

“I’ve known you since middle school and I have never heard you utter those words,” Clarke laughed, unable to hide her surprise. 

“The end of the world is really making things weird,” Lexa agreed. 

“Keep your hands to yourself, please.” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

With one final look after she picked up her box, Clarke began her walk down the hall, throwing Lexa a smile. When she looked back she only saw her girlfriend back to the furrowed, pondering mind she found a few minutes ago.

* * *

_Day 15_

“Clarke looked mad,” Bellamy mused. The windows spilled fresh spring air into the cab of the truck as they zoomed along the near-deserted roads. 

“She was. Is. She is mad,” Lexa confirmed, hanging her hand from the window, letting the breeze cool her skin. “But we’ll be quicker just the two of us, and it’s just a quick day trip. A few hours.” 

“Are you trying to convince me or her again?” 

“Shut up.” 

Quiet, they let the air whir through the truck, deafening them, whipping their hair in their eyes and enjoying every minute of it. It’d been a heart fought battle getting Clarke to not come, but one that was worth it for Lexa. Locked up in the elementary school, Clarke was safe, or as safe as could be. She didn’t travel an entire country to lose her two weeks after finding her. 

“Do you think they’ll go for it?” Bellamy ventures as he turns down a familiar street. “I mean. It’s kind of crazy.” 

“Crazy is all we have left. I’m not going to get my hopes up.” 

“An island,” he shook his head. “Do you think it’s going to work?” 

“God, I hope so,” she sighed, letting her head rest against the seat. 

It was only an hour to the small downtown area. They slowed and made their way carefully. It took only a few kills before they were able to slip inside the sheriff’s office. 

It didn’t take long to find the maps and a few other useful things. Lexa jammed them into her backpack as Bellamy stood guard. A few new radios. The information on the reserve. 

A squeal of a door in the back made Lexa snap her gun from her back and focus it on the hallway. Bellamy looked over at her, raising his as he did. She nodded, moving forward, careful to be silent. 

It happened in a blur, that the door was pushed open and she was slammed back against a desk, it screeching across the floor, old files someone would never come back and finish scattering on the ground. 

“What the fuck?” she stammered, getting up quickly as Bellamy lunged to the side grabbing whatever did that. Blood oozed down into her eye and she wiped it into the crook of her elbow. 

“Hey, cool it,” Bellamy wrestled with the person. Lexa, dazed as she was, focused her gun back on the skirmish. 

“Get off of me, asshole,” a small voice barked. 

“Stop fighting,” Bellamy ordered until they stopped moving. He caught his breath and pulled up the boy who still tried to yank his arms away. “We’re not going to hurt you.” 

“I might,” Lexa grunted, earning a snarl from the kid and a frown from Bellamy that told her to grow up. She rolled her eyes and holstered her gun. “Fine.” 

“That’s what they said,” the kid argued. 

“Who are they?” Bellamy tries, gripping the back of his shirt, pulling it up to keep him close. 

“The Caravan. They’re murderers.” 

“We don’t know who that is and we’re not going to hurt you.” 

“That’s what they said. You’re probably one of them.” With a stomp of his heel, the kid smashed Bellamy’s foot and tried to bolt. Lexa followed, tackling him again just inches from the door. 

Outside, the telltale noise of death clicked its teeth and groaned at the noise. 

“Leave me–” her hand went over the kids mouth, blood stung her eye. With a nudge of her head, Bellamy opened the door and took care of the closest one, careful not to make a sound to bring any others. 

“Listen you little fucker,” Lexa yanked the kid up again. “We don’t know who those people are, so get talking.” 

“Then let me go.” 

“Is it just you out here?” Bellamy tried. 

“No. I am with a group of seventy. They’re going to come look for me,” he swore. 

“Where’s the adult now?” Lexa ventured, peering around the quiet office. 

“I’m old enough to go out on my own.” She shared a glance with Bellamy. “My dad’s the sheriff. He’s going to be back any second, so you better go.” 

“As convincing as that story is,” Bellamy dug into a first aid kit behind the front desk and handed Lexa a bandage. “I think you’re lying. We just want to help you, kid. It’s not safe out here.” 

“Yeah. Especially strangers like you,” the boy spat. “The last group we met took us in. And they…” he swallowed, finally pulling away from Lexa though not running this time. “My dad’s going to come back.”

“How long have you been out here?” Lexa asked, sizing him up as she pressed her head. 

“A few months.” 

He had dirt on his chin and cheeks. She wasn’t certain how old he was, but he looked thin. His shirt had a hole in the collar, his hair was too long and growing like weeds over his ears. But she could see that he was tough, and she was impressed. 

“What really happened?” she asked. 

“You’re not with them?” 

“We have a group. We don’t hurt people,” Bellamy swore. “We used to be soldiers. We help people, and if there is someone out there who is doing bad things, we need to know so it doesn’t happen again.”

The kid appraised the two adults, holding Bellamy’s eyes for longer than he would have imagined possible. As if debating it, he studied what he could, already an expert in human nature out of necessity. 

“Are you hungry?” Lexa tried. She pulled out the sandwich Clarke made her from the side pocket of her bag after throwing her bloody bandage in the trash can. Apprehensive at first, the kid snatched it and took a bite. “I’m Lexa. This is Bellamy.” 

She wasn’t good with kids, and for a moment, she wished Clarke had come. The only experience she had was from nights she’d visit Clarke while she babysat, and that was just making out on the couch after the kids went to sleep. 

“You’re alone out here, aren’t you?” she tried, sitting down in one of the office chairs. He nodded and took another bite, not meeting her eyes this time. 

“What happened?” Bellamy tried again. 

“My dad brought us here. Me and my mom, we were all here. And ten this group came by. They had food. They had it all, in six huge trucks. The big trucks that are on the highway. We went with them because they seemed safe,” he shrugged. “They killed my parents. They…” he looked at the sandwich and swallowed a large bite before putting it down. “I came back here. I managed to get away at a rest stop. I didn’t know where else to go.”

“You don’t have anyone?” 

“I’m fine though,” he assured her. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Aden.” 

“What do you think, Bell?” Lexa looked at her partner. “You ready to head off. He’s fine. We should let him get back to it then.” 

“Yeah,” he stood from his leaning spot. “We got what we needed.” 

“I’m not scared. You can go,” Aden nodded. 

“Yeah, okay,” Lexa agreed. “Do you know which way the library is? We need to get a few things before we head home.” 

“Why? There’s no food there. I already checked.”

“We’re trying to find a place that’s away from the dead things, and the terrible people,” Lexa explained, shouldering her bag. “A place to start over.” 

“I can take you,” he offered. “I mean,” he tempered his excitement. “I can help. If you want.” 

“If you’re not busy, why not?” 

“Give me a second.” 

Lexa watched him scamper back towards the back office. He picked up the sandwich first and took another bite as he moved. 

“We have to bring him back with us,” Bellamy whispered. 

“I know. But he’s got to trust us first.” 

“Poor kid.” 

“Impressive though. Surviving this long.” 

It didn’t take long to make it to the library just a few blocks over. Following the local made it even easier. Lexa looked over his shoulder at the map he’d made himself of the sticky spots around town, most likely learned in trial and error. 

Backpack on, he looked like he’d fall over, but still, Aden led the way, deftly weaving them through the shops and streets he’d cleared himself. 

Once inside, she inserted herself ahead of him, whistling and waiting to see if she could hear anything moving. When the stacks rumbled with a movement to their left, she waited and carefully took care of their only obstacle. 

Bellamy put his gun away and they began their search.

“I thought you needed stuff about the bay and maps?” Aden asked, following Lexa as she made her way down another aisle. 

“I thought you were going back to the station because you were fine,” Lexa shrugged, not even looking at him. The kid ignored it, waiting expectantly for an answer. “My girlfriend is mad because I came out here today without her. So I am going to get her a few books.” 

“Do you have another sandwich?” 

“No. Make yourself useful and hold these,” she muttered, stacking a few books in his hands. 

“Why was she mad?” 

“Because, I promised to not go away again,” Lexa sighed, perusing along the shelves. “Even though this is just a quick trip.” 

“Again?” 

“You ask a lot of questions.” 

“I haven’t seen a live person in a while.” 

“When this started, I was in Washington DC. It took me a long time to find her.”

“But you did?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa smiled. 

By the time they made it back to the truck, the sun was getting behind the buildings and the long shadows covered the street. 

“Alright, so here’s the deal, kid,” Lexa murmured, heaving the box they’d gathered into the back. She tossed her bag a second later as Bellamy loaded on the other side and Aden put another beside her. “You can stay out here, probably get eaten and die. Or, you can come back with us. We’ve taken in a few strays like you. And they’re all fine. It’s safer in groups.”

“I’m fine. I’m old enough to take care of myself,” he assured her.

“I know you are. We’re old enough to take care of ourselves,” Lexa motioned between herself and Bellamy. “But what’s the point of living if you’re just going to be alone and scared the whole time?” 

“I’m not scared.” 

“Okay. You ready, Bell?” 

“Are you really going to move to an island?” Aden took a step forward as Lexa opened the passenger door. 

“We’re damnwell going to try,” Lexa grinned. 

The boy debated for a moment, looking back over his shoulder at the station. He toed the ground and held the straps of his bag before tossing it in back of the pick up. 

On the ride back, Lexa let the breeze lick away some of the sweat that seemed to stain her skin. Her head throbbed from the connection with the door, but it felt tolerable with the windows down. For a moment, the world was normal. The way the feeling of a beautiful, almost summer evening with the windows down is like a salve for the soul made her feel at peace. 

Twenty minutes into the ride, just as they made it out of the small city, she felt a weight on her arm. A stock of messy light brown hair rested there, exhausted and finally feeling oddly safe with the strangers.

* * *

_Day 33_

“Clarke’s mad at you,” Aden observed, helping Lexa carry a box to the van. The blonde walked past without a glance. 

“Yeah. I’m used to it,” Lexa sighed. 

“What’d you do this time?” 

“Hard to tell,” she lied, tying down the supplies. “Go make sure the rest of the kids are packed.” 

“I’m not a baby–”

“I know, but I trust you to get this done,” the soldier interrupted. “You want more important missions, but you have to start somewhere.” 

“Fine.” 

“Great, now you’re mad at me too.” 

“I get why Clarke is,” he sassed. 

“Get out of here,” Lexa pushed him along, shaking her head as he grinned. 

The long line of vehicles stretched through the school’s parking lot. Lexa surveyed it with a sigh as the preparations were made. The plans had been meticulously sorted, the routes extensively mapped. Boats waited at the marina, already half-loaded. 

Lexa allowed herself one moment of hopeful optimism, that this could work, that this move would be it, that safety was more than just a word, and that it was possible to have, still. 

“Hey,” she reached out and snagged Clarke’s wrist as she loaded another bag. “Wait a second.” 

“We have to pack.” 

“You were right,” Lexa offered. The words were the only thing that made Clarke stop. “I’m sorry.” 

“We’re supposed to be a team. I can protect myself,” Clarke informed her girlfriend. 

“I know. I just…” the soldier ran her hand over the back of her neck, anxious and smitten. 

“It’s not all on you, to save us all. I’m here. The whole time you weren’t here, believe it or not, I managed to get by. I got us by.” 

“I know.” 

“I blew up an entire subway. I did…” she lowered her voice. “You’re not the only one who would do anything to survive, and you’re not the only one invested in this working.” 

“I know.” 

“Then I’m going with you in the first round.” 

“Alright,” Lexa nodded. “Your mom can keep Aden.” 

“She can.” 

“Stop being mad at me.” 

“Stop making me mad,” Clarke taunted as she earned a smiling kiss from the soldier. 

The heard the noise from the street only when it was rumbling just outside of the gate they’d improved since their stay. Lexa instinctively put her hand on Clarke’s hip with her other on her sidearm. The guards held their weapons up, pointed at the newest arrivals. 

“Get up to the roof and see if this is it,” Lexa whispered to Clarke. “Take Raven. Have her use the drone.” 

“Play nice.” 

“Always,” Lexa smiled. 

By the time she made it to the gate, the car had emptied and four people were standing beside it, hands up and spread out, carefully being patted by a few guards. 

Word travelled quickly through the camp, and soon Abby and Kane emerged from the school. Lexa merely gazed at the arrivals, making notes of them. For the longest time, no one spoke, simply took each other in as best they could. 

“This is quite a welcome,” the man who seemed to be the leader chuckled. His belly was prominent, his beard full and black. Lexa saw the hint of a gold tooth when he smiled. 

“No one said it was,” Lexa rested her hand on her gun and cocked her hip. 

“No weapons,” Miller muttered, walking closer to Lexa. 

She nodded and took a few more steps closer, leaning her arms on the fence separating them. She spit on the ground and lazily met their eyes, every single one of them. 

“Is there something we can help you with?” Abby asked as she arrived. The guests finally dropped their hands. 

“We’ve been driving for months, trying to find something, anything.” 

“What are you looking for?” 

“People.” 

“Why?” Kane took a step forward as well. Lexa merely watched the interaction. 

“My wife’s family is out here somewhere, we think. Things were bad in LA, so we have been trying to get North. Have you seen anyone else?”

“How many are you?” Abby ignored the question. 

“Just us,” he smiled, looking at the woman beside him he called his wife and the two others. “We picked up Tracy a few weeks ago. Nasty run-in at a gas station. And Shawn’s been with us since the beginning. He was our neighbor’s son.” 

“What’s your family’s name?” 

“Jenkins,” the wife finally answers. “They’re from Clovis.” 

“How long have you folks been here?” 

“Long enough.” 

“Alright. Well,” he nodded after Lexa’s inhospitable answer. “We won’t keep you fine people any longer.” 

Lexa turned over her shoulder to see Abby and Kane share a look. She was unable to get a full read on the guests, but something felt wrong. Maybe that was how things were now though. Things were wrong. People were strangers and then they weren’t. 

“Give us a minute, will you?” Abby asked politely. 

Lexa spit on the ground once more before letting her hands slide off the railing as she pulled away. 

“Let me go see what Clarke knows,” she whispered, meeting the other two leaders. “See if they are alone.” 

“They’re just a family,” Abby reasoned. “We’re people. We need people, and the living are getting kind of scarce.” 

“Pick the wrong people and you’re dead,” Lexa reminded her. Kane looked pensive and distraught at the notion. “I thought after your run in with the Colony you’d know that by now. I bet they looked really friendly until they started experimenting on you.” 

“We can’t lump everyone together into being bad people. I won’t,” the doctor shook her head. 

“Just don’t roll out the welcome wagon just yet.” 

“Go talk to Clarke,” Kane agreed. “I want to talk to them a bit more.” 

It took only a few minutes for Lexa to make it to the roof, but she quickly peered over to make sure the front was ash she left it. 

“Well?” she asked Clarke who peered out through the binoculars. 

“I don’t see anything.” 

“Doesn’t mean there isn’t.” 

“Haven’t spotted anything with the drone either,” Raven explained. 

“Are you going to let them stay like you let me stay?” Aden asked, legs swinging over the edge of the roof. 

“Boy, get off that,” Lexa grabbed his shirt. “You let him do this?” 

“I’m right here. He’s fine,” Clarke shook her head, oddly enjoying Lexa’s protective side when it came to someone that wasn’t her, but especially to the little boy. 

“What are they like?” Aden grinned. 

“I don’t know,” Lexa shrugged, watching them down on the ground. “People.” 

“Wow, you paint a picture,” he sassed. 

“You’re not allowed to hang out with Raven anymore,” the soldier decided. “Two guys, two girls. The one pair are husband and wife looking for her family. I guess things are bad in LA.” 

“Makes sense,” Clarke agreed. 

“Jenkins?” Aden asked. Lexa looked down to see his face go ashen. “Gold tooth?” he pointed to his own where the man had it. 

“Yeah. How did you—” Lexa’s head snapped straight back to the ground. “That’s them, isn’t it?” The little boy simply nodded, clenching his jaw. She saw his hand move to his knife. 

“Who is it?” 

“They killed my parents,” Aden informed her, nostrils flaring. 

By now everyone in camp had heard the story. Heard of the little boy who escaped the ruthless road gang. Heard about how big and menacing they were, how treacherous and terrible. Heard of the things that happened out there with disbelief in their eyes. 

They barely would outnumber the group at the school, but Lexa was disinterested in seeing if it were true. 

“Clarke keep him up here,” Lexa ordered before putting her hand on the little boy’s shoulder. “They aren’t coming here. And we’re leaving. Don’t worry, Aden.” 

“I’m not worried. I’m going to kill them,” he informed Lexa, looking up from beneath his heavy brow. 

“If you do that, you’ll put all of us in danger.”

“They have it coming.” 

“And they’ll get it. One day.”

“You promised that you were the good guys. That you would make sure nothing like them happened to good people. If you let them go, they’ll hurt people.” 

“We can’t wage a war because you’re sad,” Lexa snapped. The angry tears in the boy’s eyes tore her. 

“I have to see them!” he called as she moved to walk back. 

“Clarke. Please?” Lexa sighed, hand on the door. Her girlfriend simply nodded and put her hand on Aden’s shoulder.

* * *

_Day 34_

The dawn sizzled the dew on the overgrown yard. The haze started from the ground and clouded the new sun, promising a dusky kind of day that would linger, even in the shadows. 

“I don’t like it,” Clarke whispered in the faint light. 

“We’ll be gone in a few hours. And we won’t have to worry about them.”

“Can you imagine what that kid saw?” 

“Yeah,” Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke’s forehead. The thin sheet covered various parts of them, their legs half exposed. Lexa closed her eyes and inhaled Clarke’s hair, ran her hand along smooth back. 

“Do you think the island is going to work?” 

“It’s our best chance. It’s isolated, far enough off the coast to protect us. They have solar panels to power the research lab. We can plant. We have enough provisions for a few months. And fishing. Fresh water from the stream and we can start collecting. It’ll work,” Lexa decided. 

“You don’t like boats,” Clarke chuckled. She ran her fingertip over Lexa’s collarbone.

“I’ll love boats if this works.” 

“Clarke!” pounding rang out on their door, the one of the former principals. “Lexa! Aden’s gone!” 

“Son of a bitch,” Lexa groaned. 

Quickly they dressed, tugging on what they could, most of their stuff already packed and ready for the exodus to their new home. The soldier opened the door with her boots still unlaced and her hair not even tied back. She clipped her weapons to her and staggered out into the hall to meet Abby. Clarke nearly fell out into the hall a second later, barefoot and fretting. 

“Are you sure?” Lexa began. 

“No where to be found and his bag is gone. And this,” the doctor handed over a torn piece of paper. 

_I’ll meet you at the island. I have to take care of them, like you promised. Don’t come looking for me._

“Jesus Christ,” Lexa growled, handing Clarke the paper to scan. “He’s going to get himself killed.” 

“You promised?” 

“This isn’t…” Lexa shook her head. “I said we weren’t bad people. I was trying to…. You know what… It’s… Aden is out there and we need to find him.” 

“We don’t even know where to look,” Abby reminded her. 

“Get everyone to the marina. Get to the island, just like we planned,” Lexa decided, crumpling up the paper. 

“We can wait a day.” 

“Believe me, this group isn’t going to wait. We need to go. Clarke, make sure you-”

“I’m coming with you.” 

For an instant, Lexa wanted to argue, watned to fight her, but she saw her eyes and she saw their fire, and Clarke was probably the only battle of the day Lexa was afraid of having. 

“Get everyone there like planned, Mom,” Clarke turned to Abby. “We’ll meet you there.”

* * *

_Day 35_

When they stumbled upon the camp a county over, Lexa was ready to strangle the little boy for making them chase after him, for being so reckless. Until they found him chained up to a pole near the fire n the center of the big rig circle. 

“I have forty-three,” Bellamy whispered, surveying the field they’d camped in. 

“There’s a trailer labeled ‘dinner,’” Clarke pointed. “Do you think that’s… do you think there are more people inside that need help?” 

“It’s three on forty some armed assholes, Clarke,” Lexa shook her head. “We save who we can.”

“If we can get them out. If there is anyone in there… It might even the odds.” 

“Alright, here’s what we do,” Lexa nodded.

* * *

_Day 36_

When they stumbled upon the camp a county over, Lexa was ready to strangle the little boy for making them chase after him, for being so reckless. Until they found him chained up to a pole near the fire n the center of the big rig circle. 

“I have forty-three,” Bellamy whispered, surveying the field they’d camped in. 

“There’s a trailer labeled ‘dinner,’” Clarke pointed. “Do you think that’s… do you think there are more people inside that need help?” 

“It’s three on forty some armed assholes, Clarke,” Lexa shook her head. “We save who we can.”

“If we can get them out. If there is anyone in there… It might even the odds.” 

“Alright, here’s what we do,” Lexa nodded.

* * *

_Day 36_

Dawn came angry and tinged pink on the horizon. The grass bowed under the weight of blood, under the stomping of boots. In the middle of the field, Lexa stood, blood smattered all over her body, matted in her hair, dried to her skin and making her clothes stiff. 

She breathed, heavy and hard, trying to still her heartbeat that raced and refused to calm itself. 

Fourteen strangers all did the same, unsure of what to do now, suddenly slapped with a new lease on life. There’d been twenty-five, but Clarke felt oddly proud of the results. She dropped the machete and laced her hand with Lexa’s, though her girlfriend didn’t move at all, not even to hold her back. 

“These men were terrible men,” Bellamy finally broke the quiet reverie that came with the final body falling. 

Dawn lit the field, showed the full extent of the bodies on the ground. Lexa looked to Clarke to see her worry, to see her guilt. She dropped her weapon as well before pulling a handkerchief from her back pocket. Gently, she licked the edge and went to work wiping some of the blood from her girlfriend’s face. 

“You don’t know us,” Bellamy continued, adjusting the rifle on his shoulder. The group was mixed. A few kids. a couple of older men and women, though the bulk was between the two extremes. “We have a group of not bad people. If you want to live, and not just survive, come talk to me. If you want to go, go on.”

Aden stood over the body of the ringleader of the Caravan. Tears streamed down his face, like rivers washing free the blood that came there. Grateful that he was dead, though the hole of his family being gone did not fill as he thought it would as the result. 

As soon as Lexa got Clarke to sit, got her cleaned up, she put her hand on his shoulder, ran her hand throgh his hair, pulling it back from his forehead. She felt him lean against her before throwing his arms around her waist and burying his head in her ribs. 

“It’s hard to be a hero, sometimes,” Lexa whispered. Once over the shock of the action, she tentatively let her hand rest on his back, squeezing him to her. “It’s very hard.”

“I thought it would help,” he murmured into her body.

“I know. But you saved over a dozen people. And you did what was right. It doesn’t fix it, but it has to help.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Lexa swallowed and looked over at Clarke. 

“I know,” she nodded, rubbing his back. “I don’t know how or when, but it’s going to be okay.”


End file.
